The Turdie Awards - Honoring Country's Worst in 2005

Well, here we are in 2006. The dawn of a new year. We're off to an interesting start... Nashville Star has announced that Cowboy Troy will unite with Wynonna to co-host this year's season...oh boy. Hopefully we will have some solid competitors this year to make it all worth watching. Looking back on 2005, I have decided to begin a tradition, the Turdie Awards. This awards program will focus on everything that went wrong in country music this year, from my narrow, skeptical, negative perspective. So, without further ado, here are 2005's Turdie Awards!

Most Blatant and Idiotic Hip Hop Reference in a Country Song
And the nominees are:

• "Got it goin on, like Donkey Kong" - Trace Adkins' "Honky Tonk BadonkaDonk"
• "The band took a break, the DJ played P. Ditty" - Brooks and Dunn's "Play Something Country"
• "Slap Your Grandma" - Trace Adkins' "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"
• "If you want a little bang in your ying yang" - Big & Rich's "Comin to Your City"
• "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" - Trace Adkins' "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

And the winner is... "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"! With three excerpts from his big song on the list, it should come as no suprise that Trace Adkins is the winner inthis category. While this is not the stupidest line in the song, it is the most idiotic, because without it, the others would have never been written.

Nashville's Biggest Mistake
And the nominees are:

• Dropping Bobby Pinson from the label - RCA Label Group
• Picking B&D over Montgomery Gentry for Duo of the year - The CMA and ACM
• Not nominating Bobby Pinson's Debut Album for album of the year - The CMA and ACM
• Selecting Cowboy Troy and Wynonna to Host Nashville Star - USA Network and RCA label Group
• Releasing "Big Blue Note" as a flagship single - Toby Keith's Showdog Records

And the winner is... The RCA label Group for dropping Bobby Pinson from their label, after allowing only 1 songle, which was very successful. What do CMT.com's Edward Morris, USa Today's Brian Mansfield, and Shelly Fabian of countrymusic.about.com, and some half-ass hillbillysinger from Wisconsin have in common? We all think this album kicks ass.

Worst Single of the Year
And the nominees are:

• "Big Blue Note" - Toby Keith
• "Stay with Me (Brass Bed)" - Josh Gracin
• "Don't Worry Bout a Thing" - SheDaisy
• "Shoes" - Shania Twain
• "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" - Trace Adkins

And the winner is... "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"! Again, Trace Adkins wows the crowd with another award. In a porcelain punch bowl of bad music this year, this song was the shining example of selling out to sell albums to teenie boppers. I love Trace, and that's why I am hard on him for this song. How do you follow "Songs about Me", "Rough and Ready" and "Arlington" with this sell-out pile of shit? Come on Trace, you are better than that!

Biggest Letdown of 2005
And the nominees are:

• Trace Adkins recording and releasing "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"
• Rascall Flatts releasing 'Skin' as a single, after initially recording it as a secret song on the album in tribute to kids with cancer. Shame on you.
• Lonestar's continued refusal to record a good honky tonk hit like they used to
• Nashville Star 3 - The whole season, bad news
• Warner Bros. signing Cowboy Troy to their Country Label and pitching his hip hop record as country

And the winner is... Warner Brothers! I have nothing against Cowboy Troy. If he actually sang country music, I would have no problem with WB signing him and pitching him to country radio. But he isn't, and they did. Why? I heard Troy can actually sing country very well. I hope he does it on his next record. As for Warner Brothers and the radio personalities who played this, how in the hell can you pretend to know what country music is? Get your head out of your ass, and find a new format. We don't need you here.

Biggest Fall from Grace
And the nominees are:

• Tim McGraw
• Kenny Chesney
• Toby Keith
• Alan Jackson
• Martina McBride

And the winner is... Toby Keith! While all of these stars lost a little bit of shine this year, to new stars like Gretchen Wilson and Keith Urban, Toby Keith as a musician is falling apart. I am not sure what happened first. Did Toby's music begin slipping because he started focusing on making movies, building restaurants, and running a label, or dig Toby start making movies, building restaurants, and running a label, because he has lost the originality and writing skills that made him a great artist. I guess 2006 will tell the tale...

Wow, what a truly turdy year it has been! What do you think? Any oversights on my part? Any categories you would add? And nominees, or winners you would change? Let's hear it! And be sure to check out the updated links to the right!