Just leave them hillbillies alone...

Why do we love country music? Personally, I love it because I think it is human, and it is written from an emotional point of view. I love it because there’s really something for everyone in country music. It celebrates the small, enjoyable things of everyday life, and it reflects on and mourns the bad. Unlike other formats, I think there is a country song out there that everyone; I mean EVERYONE could relate to. There’s a certain humanity to it that takes it beyond just music.

Country music is all of these great things to me. So why do I find myself having to defend it so often?

Seriously, the Joke’s just not that funny…
There are tired old jokes that say when you play country music backwards you get your dog back, your house back, your car back, your wife back… I swear to God I hear that joke from some drunk ass at least once a month as I am tearing down from a show. I usually just turn away and shake my head because they obviously don’t get it. But what do they listen to? Is it fair to say that when you play a rap song backwards you get your crack money back, you put my rims back on my car, and your pistol goes back in your draws? If you play a Motley Crue record backwards do your herpes clear up? Is it fair to say if you play a pop song backwards, the world makes sense again? If you don’t know what I am talking about, listen to Gwen Stefani’s latest #1 single “Hollaback Girl”, in which the most memorable part of the song is when Gwen spells the world “Bananas.” What the hell? I mean, where do these people get off making fun of country?

The truth? Yes, many country songs are about heart break and loss. That’s life. And there are also a lot of them that focus on having a good time. However I am having a hard time thinking of any that center around the loss of a truck or a dog. I am sure there are a few, but there are far more rap records about jewelry and cars. What kind of a world is it where we’re willing to buy an artist’s album full of songs about all of the shit they bought with the money they made from you buying their last album. And you want to talk about songs about loss? Listen to a metal record! Almost every song is about pain, death, suicide, or being an outcast.

All I am saying is this: You can make fun of country lyrics all day long. But you will never hear a country song with the following lyrics:

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,”
“Get me stompin’ in my err foce ones,” (phonetic spelling)
“You make me wanna lala lalala lalala lalalala lala You make me wanna lala lalala."

The Jukebox
A friend of mine once said that the jukebox was the second most democratic thing in the world because if you don’t like it, you have the opportunity to put in a dollar and play it yourself. I think he said voting was the most democratic thing, but I might argue that open-bar weddings are even more democratic. I would say I agreed with his theory until another friend of mine told me a story…

He was at a bar- a country bar in my home state of Wisconsin. He, his friend, and his girlfriend went in to the bar this particular evening to sit back, shoot the breeze, and listen to country music- after all, this is a country bar, right? This particular jukebox was of the extremely democratic variety, because it was one of the new ones that allow you to download new songs from almost any artist for an added fee. When my friend and his party walked in, Rob Zombie’s song about murdering mothers and eating babies was on the jukebox (I am not sure which one, but let’s be honest… take your pick). Like most good country fans do, he sat down at a table, ordered a drink, and didn’t say a word- even though he probably had a right to question it at a country bar. Instead, he walked to the jukebox, played 3 country songs, and walked back to his table. I can’t remember which songs they were, but about halfway through the 2nd song, because one patron was complaining about the music, the bartender actually walked over to the jukebox, and kicked out the rest of the songs my friend played, and went straight back to metal… in a COUNTRY bar!

As country fans, we sit through a lot of crap. We understand that not everyone likes country, and we respect that. All that we ask is that same respect from everyone else. Believe it or not, I like a lot of styles of music. In fact, I have made fun of a lot of formats and artists in this post, but I did it only to prove a point. I would say that stereotypes apply far more widely to rap, pop and metal than they do to country music.

Like I said, I have a ton of other stories about this kind of hypocrisy, but I would rather hear yours. If you are a faithful country listener, there has to have been a time you were run through the ringer for it. So let’s hear about it!